What Would You Do If I Didn't Have A Scanner?

NOVEMBER 25, 2007

I've discovered a funny little quirk in my studying habits.

I draw a lot. See Exhibit A, a page of the notes I made while studying for this last exam.

I can't simply look at a picture and memorize the information but if I sketch out said picture in my own lame rendition for some reason it sticks. Besides this being the source of endless ridicule by my friends in class ("where are your cute little drawings!?") it's also given me a great opportunity to look back at my growth as an artist over these past four months. Here are some of the highlights:

Lonely Platelet.
A social examination of the under appreciated existence of clotting factors.

facialEXPRESSION
It's true that smiling utilizes more muscles and burns more calories than frowning.

The Knee
A Football Player's Worst Enemy

The Indifferent Gonad
Because at one point of development, we all had the same private parts!

PrimaryTriangles
An examination of color and the anterior triangles of the neck.

epidiDYmis
I went through an impressionistic stage during our study of the genitalia. I think it was a coping mechanism.

Your Pelvic Girdle
Because without it, you'd poop out your insides!

Mortality.
Nothing better to spur reflection on life and death than a lateral diagramatic view of the skull!

I am sure as I continue to find myself in medical school my artistic style will continue to evolve in turn.

Not much else to say right now - the last month was constant tests (and thus hell). When you spend all day and night every day studying for almost a month straight it leaves little time for things like "reflection" or "personal growth." Thanksgiving break has been a much needed break and now three weeks to push through to Christmas. The year has been flying by. I think that's a good sign - must mean I'm enjoying myself. So really, in the spirit of this post, I think there's only one real way to explain what I've been up to the past month. If you recall in an earlier post - I have a little something called The Place My Medical Knowledge Goes To Die (which has subsequently been renamed The Place My Medical Knowledge Goes To Die Until I Need To Resurrect Every Last Drop Of It Before The Boards Next Year).

My brain on October 2nd, 2007:

My brain on November 25th, 2007:

Fin.

I Enjoy VH1 Celebreality TV.

NOVEMBER 11, 2007

There's different types of tired. There's just-had-a-crazy-intense-workout tired (which I actually enjoy). There's running-on-too-little-sleep tired (which I definitely don't enjoy). There's an emotionally drained tired. There's a been-running-around-all-day tired.

Right now I'm feeling a wholly different kind of tired. My brain is tired.

I am currently about to start the second week of a three week gauntlet where we have an exam each week.  As I have already covered, preparing for a medical school exam is like preparing for 4 college exams in the same day - it's a week long process that requires a great deal of time and energy investment.

My previous strategy for surviving these draining cram-and-purge periods was by mailing in the week of school after the test. Not studying much (ok, at all). Maybe catching up on study objectives for a couple hours max on saturday. It worked well, gave my brain a nice break, gave me a chance to hit the gym, and when it came time to get back to work I was more than happy to jump right in. I really liked mailing it in.

I took my final GIE exam last week, a grueling exam on 3 weeks of material that was easily our most difficult challenge yet. This week I have a cumulative exam for our Principles of Clinical Medicine class. Next week is our first exam for our new Cell Structure and Function curriculum. Basically this requires me to be in full balls-to-the-wall study mode for 4 weeks straight. I can now understand why Pheidippides fell over dead after his sprint from Marathon to Athens.

So what's it like to be brain tired? Pretty easy to describe actually. Motivation? You lack any of it. Sense of humor? Well lets just say I have no problem perpetuating my blonde hair stereotype at the moment. A little slow on the uptake. Energy? Good luck, even on the back end of halloween and its copious amounts of candy lying about - no sugar high can touch my fatigue. Quad venti caramel low fat peppermint mocha latte extra hot? Please, I'm not even sure a line of coke could move my flatline.

Thankfully, at the end of the tunnel is a four day break for thanksgiving where I get to mail it in and not feel guilty about it. I think someone on our med school curriculum board has a soul. And if there's one undeniable truth, its that I will eat my weight in stuffing, park my butt on the couch, and have the most amazing nap of my life. Just got to get there first. Anyone got any coke?

Practice makes good enough.

NOVEMBER 5, 2007

“I had never done this surgery before,” my preceptor said as he pointed to the MRI on the screen. “I read about it in a journal. Didn’t turn out quite as well as I hoped. But next time I’ll read up on it some more and hope for better.”

As all things in life, practice makes perfect. Medicine uniquely requires one to practice on people. To further complicate things, medicine is always changing. Always improving. Of course, nothing in medicine is ever introduced without extensive testing to guarantee the safety of the people we treat. But eventually, every doctor has to make the jump and attempt that new treatment or new procedure. What happens to those first patients? Their results may be “not quite as well as we hoped.” Our patients unfortunately have to be the guinea pigs.

Even though I was not present for the conversation between my preceptor and his patient prior to the surgery, I can imagine somewhat how it may have transpired. He would have sat the patient down - explained all options. That a current surgery may exist which can help them. That he does not have experience with that surgery. Of course, many people put a great deal of trust in their physicians. When my preceptor explained “I have never done this surgery before,” many would likely hear “but I have done many surgeries like this before” as an unspoken affirmation. How close is that to the truth? How much does previous experience translate to future success?

Ultimately, I believe it is simply a matter of trust in the checks and balances in a system designed for change. As medical students, we bumble around learning the foundations of medicine that will help us function as the physicians of the future. In residency, we learn the skills and instincts that will help us succeed in the field we have chosen. New drugs and techniques are put through extensive trials. Surgeons travel to observe new procedures and read about them in journals. And ultimately it is all overseen by “experience.” Medical students are aided and corrected by the residents they work under. Residents are taught and covered by the attendings of their program. Surgeons learn from their peers who have pioneered and practiced new procedures. Drugs are tested and scrutinized by those involved and educated in their design and effects.

It may not be the best system, but it seems to be one that works. But with all things new, there are guinea pigs. Unfortunately in medicine, the guinea pigs are people, with the physician possessing only an instruction manual and trust in his or her skills and instincts to go on. This means people with "not quite good enough" results (which in reality in some cases means difficulties they will have to live with the rest of their lives). The best we can do is educate and hope for the best. Because it is ultimately about change, and change, as history has taught, is good for medicine. And good for the patient.

Meet: Your Brain.

OCTOBER 28, 2007

Everyone is fascinated with the brain. I spent the majority of my childhood obsessed with neurosurgery. The brain truly is one of those last frontiers in medicine where we still don't understand much about why it does the things it does. As my preceptor said the other day... "don't believe anything they tell you in your classes. everything between your ears is a black box."

This week we took a bone saw to the skulls of our bodies and took out the brain. Anatomy has had its fair share of awe inspiring moments. Taking out the heart. Looking in the knee. Dissecting out the sciatic nerve (its as thick as your thumb!) But the brain definitely takes the cake.

The first thing that really struck me was just how heavy it was. They say your brain weighs around 4 pounds. That doesn't sound like much, but when you hold it in your hands in has some real heft to it. Maybe its the philosopher in me, but I found it really fascinating to hold the organ that has allowed the great mind's over the course of history to make some of the incredible revelations they have. Those 4 pounds have produced Plato's Republic, Shakespeare's Macbeth, Bentham's Utilitarianism. Really cool to think about.

So what does your brain actually look like? Really, about what you would expect it to. I think that was really fascinating. The brain always seems like one of those magical mystical things but it really is just as you expect it to be.

It's also amazing the things you find out about your cadaver as you work on them. The death certificate said our person died of a heart attack but we noticed he had a massive brain bleed which wiped out the whole left half of his cerebrum. Basically, he most likely died of a stroke and not a heart attack. All in all in doesn't matter, but its interesting to think of how many people out there whose cause of death was incorrectly pronounced.

Anyways, enough procrastinating for one night. Back to the grind.

Faces.

OCTOBER 16, 2007

In the words of Seargeant Nicholas Angel from the incredible movie (seriously, see this movie) Hot Fuzz: "shit just got real."

Today marked the first day of our last block of GIE. At this point, we're seasoned medical students. We've become study machines, busting through our lecture hours every morning and meticulously working the dissection of the day in cadaver lab after. Until today. Today, our dissection lab gained 30 new members.

No, my medical school didn't suddenly decide to expand its medical school class from 120 to 150 two months into the year. But today, we removed the shrouds on the faces of our cadavers and began dissection of the head and neck.

Up to this point, the heads of our bodies have been wrapped in a cloth shroud. Besides serving a practical purpose (it prevents dessication of the skin while we worked elsewhere on the body), the purpose of the shroud was the help us rookie medical students adjust to the experience of taking apart another human body in less dramatic circumstances. When looking down at your body or looking around the room, you saw the project for the day. A shoulder. A lung. A foot. Until today. Today if you looked around you saw faces.

Today we weren't working on a body. We were working someone's mother. Someone's grandfather. Someone's child. Suddenly there weren't 30 bodies in the lab. There were 30 people. It really helped tie full circle that the hours we've toiled in the lab really were to give us an opportunity to gain perspective on the human body in order to help... real people. It's really easy to lose that perspective in medicine. In a few days, the skin will be gone from the faces, and we'll be back to working on bodies again. But part of me wishes that didn't happen. As eerie as it is, having those 30 extra people in the lab really is a profound reminder of what we're really here to do. Medical school isn't really about the tests. Or the board scores. Or the letters of recommendation. It's really about the adjustment of learning how to work on and work with people. Because that's what its really all about. You learn the nitty gritty of how to "doctor" in your specific field in residency. Medical school isn't going to make you a great doctor, but its going to give you the tools to start becoming one. Seeing those faces really reminded me of that, just as we all were settled into a routine, trucking along thinking we were hot shit first years who got everything down.

I guess, when it comes down to it, medical school (well, medicine in general) is a series of humbling experiences strung together. Even today, I saw a patient who completely fractured his leg apart two years ago. They tried a cast. Didn't heal. They tried plating the bone. Didn't heal. They tried a rod. Didn't heal. The surgeon I'm working under has exhausted all the options of treatment that he knows of and the patient is now considering amputation of the lower leg because at least he'll be able to walk with a prosthetic. Needless to say, the surgeon is effectively... humbled. I feel for him. And for the patient. Because I'm humbled today too.

Just when you think you have something figured out, you realize you're standing on the tip of the iceberg. But it also gives endless challenges as opportunity to grow and learn. To become better. And I like that. Because what's ultimately going to get you farthest in medicine to isn't knowing everything, but always being reminded that you don't.

The Table In The Corner

OCTOBER 2, 2007

I apologize for not posting for a while, but well, we've been studying the colon, rectum, and anal canal and I figured I would spare you all the pleasantries of my expeditions into our body's most... aromatic regions. That being said, getting to hear the word "anal" in lecture 200 times a day has still not ceased to be humorous in any way.

We have now moved onto genitalia, so I think I will spare you all some details now as well. Though it has been pretty funny to observe certain classmates of mine who are just now being exposed to many details of female anatomy which I have a hunch they had a very vague (if no) idea of before now.

We have just finished block II of our GIE block. Which means I am now officially halfway done with our cadaveric dissection. Studying for med school tests is hell. Between lab and my neighborhood 23rd Starbucks, I believe I put in around 25 hours of studying with my nose to the grindstone (often a very smelly grindstone) this weekend. That being said, one of the most satisfying moments in medical school is finishing an exam, and when you get home, unloading all that information from your binder because you know longer need to know it. I know, this is sad that this is now a highlight of my life, but I take my perks where I can get them. On that note, I now introduce you to...

The place where my medical knowledge goes to die.

Only a couple inches of paperwork in here now, but by the end of the year, this baby will be full of things I have (somewhat) successfully crammed into my head, regurgitated onto paper for 4 hours, then subsequently purged from my memory over a beer (or several) the night following.

On a completely unrelated note, I am continually amazed by the caliber of physicians that my medical school has in their hospital. Since my last post, I have met a surgeon who is helping pioneer a surgery that is going to replace microfracture, a surgeon who is considered one of the premiere pediatric cardiac surgeons in the nations if not world, a surgeon who is trained to operate using one of only 8 robotics units on the entire west coast. Yes I said robots. The hospital has a robot which performs surgery - a truly exciting field which I have a hunch people are going to see continue to expand over the coming years.

I am also continually amazed at how generous and gracious some of the patients are at a teaching institution. Last week our group was learning how to identify a variety of heart and lung sounds indicating various pathologies. Our small group leader took us out onto the wards to visit several of his patients, including one individual I'll call Stan. Stan had just been diagnosed with highly developed COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease), an incurable condition which could end his life as soon as two weeks later. I know many people who would be in know mood to even interact with other people after receiving such news, especially bumbling loud curious first year medical students. But Stan simply wanted us to learn, and let each of us listen to all areas of his lungs for the distinctive crackling sound telling of COPD. Why? "If you can learn from me, maybe you can save someone's life one day, or at least prolong it." I am amazed at Stan's generosity and strength, and that even with the end of his life very near in sight, he simply wanted to give as much as he had to offer until the very end.

Not much else to report for now - though I am pleading with several physicians for as much OR time as possible so I am sure I will have some interesting stories soon.

BTW... over 300 hits on the site. That's awesome. Thanks to all of you who check in every once and a while!

The Waiting Room

SEPTEMBER 18, 2007

It's one of the things people hate most about going to the doctor's office: waiting. You show up 15 minutes early for your appointment, spend 15 minutes filling out paperwork, another 30 minutes waiting reading your National Geographic from 2001, then you get called back. Progress! This will all be over soon!

You get to the back room, talk with the PA/RN for a few, then bam, another 30 minutes of waiting in a cold room, except this time they don't even give you the common decency of a 6 year old magazine. Bastards. Finally, an hour and a half after first arriving, a knock! The doctor enters, time for them to listen intently to your story, give guidance, immediately offer a remedy that will cure all ails, and you leave engaged in laughter and smiles. Except instead, the doctor talks to you for 5 minutes, doesn't seem to really listen, then slaps a piece of paper in your hand and send you on your way.

Today, I'd like to tackle two issues: why all that damn waiting? and also, why all that damn waiting for such little face time?

First... all that damn waiting.

Most people are under the impression (as I was for a long time) that when a doctor is in clinic, he is making his way around in a big circle through the clinic, seeing a patient, finishing, moving to next patient, finishing, etc. The reason the doctor is late either because of a difficult patient or because he's just slow. I will now in the longest run on sentence ever attempt to capsulize what a doctor is ACTUALLY doing while you're waiting.

While you are waiting, the doctor is following up on tests run on patients earlier in the day, receiving requests for referrals on more patients, requesting referrals to other physicians, receiving phone calls from patients with questions, receiving phone calls from fellow physicians with questions, receiving phone calls from hospital/clinic staff with questions, receiving phone calls from the press asking questions (yes, this happens), attempting to finish up out-patient notes on all the patients they have seen before you, reading up on the few assorted difficult cases of the day, getting paged incessantly for any variety of reasons, seeing the patient(s) before you on the day's appointment list, and attempting to preview your chart as you are in the waiting room.


Ok, I may have squeezed an ounce of sympathy out of that hardened heart of yours, but it truly is impressive to see the multitasking the physicians I've been around pull off on a daily basis. 

Now... why so little face time?

At the beginning of the day, the doctor previews his or her appointments scheduled for the day. They know you're coming up. While you are waiting in the room, they are looking through your chart. If you're a follow up for surgery or something of the sort, they are looking at any x-rays/MRIs/CT scans that you may have on file. They are reading notes from previous physicians if you are a referral. Generally, they have a pretty good idea of what is going on before they even step foot in your room.

In medicine, we have what we call a differential diagnosis, which is basically to say, a list of things we may think be going on with you in order of decreasing likelihood. As we gather more information, certain things move up and down the list.

Even if the doctor is not quite sure of what is going on as they knock on your door, they already have a few ideas. That is when they begin to ask you questions about the symptoms to add to their differential diagnosis. Most doctors have it nailed what's wrong with you within a period of 5 questions. Yes, they are that good, or rather have so much experience that when a certain set of responses come from the patient, well, one doctor described the diagnosis as "a trigger finger reflex - you just KNOW." So while you're still hashing out the how the only reason you were even AT the picnic where you broke your ankle was because your ex wife's brother who you thought was a nice guy was sneaking around with your mother and you were there to break his jaw but had a change of heart because the children were around but that's when you tripped over the dog, which your ex-wife got in the divorce, that bitch, your doctor has already clearly figured out what's wrong, already has a plan of treatment, and is smiling and nodding because he likes dogs and has an ex-wife as well so he can relate.

This is the conundrum of the doctor visit. Your doctor wants to stay and hear about your embarrassingly promiscuous mother, but the phone calls for referrals, about referrals, from patients, from doctors, from press, from staff, the pages, the emails, the charts, the difficult patients are all backing up outside that little room you two are in. And while your doctor loves talking about picnics with you (they really do), they don't NEED to hear about it because they already know exactly what is wrong with you and how they want to treat it.

So you end up waiting 90 minutes for 5 minutes of face time. Is there a better way to do this? I have no idea. But there's two things that your doctor truly appreciates. (1) That you are a good patient, because these are a lot more rare than you'd expect and (2) That you might be willing to let him move on to the next person because you two have gotten you to where you need to be, because that extra time you free up will be sorely needed for dealing with those patients in which things are difficult.

They call it the rule of 20/80. 80% of your patients will be a joy to work with, with a clear and present problem and realistic expectations of how that problem will fix itself with treatment. But the other 20% of the patients will be a pain in the arse, and those 20% will suck 80% of your time. So while you are waiting in your room, your doctor may be next door trying (hoping) to make a patient understand that no, he may never be ABLE to be a wildfire firefighter again because he was in a motorcycle accident where he broke 28 bones in his body, split his pelvis in two, and has enough screws and plates in him to put together a piece of ikea furniture (true story). But hoping the patient could at least lower his expectations a little bit, simply because when they peeled him off the asphalt they had to shock his heart 3 times and put him into a coma for 3 weeks, so its honestly a miracle that person is even sitting there to begin with.

I don't know where I am going with this. All that is apparent to me is that inside every doctor is this war. They want to spend as much time with a patient as the patient truly wants, but simply, physically, cannot. How much personal connection do you balance with necessary brevity? Because when the doctor has to sink that 80% of their time into those 20% category of patients, ultimately, it's not just you who ends up waiting, it's the doctor - waiting to finish for the day with all those phone calls, pages, emails, and cases. And waiting to go home for the day.

Welcome to the jungle.

SEPTEMBER 10, 2007

My name is no longer MedZag. My name is #5814.

In respect of privacy (and to keep the gunners of the class from gloating so much their heads explode), my medical school assigns each individual a designated exam number. As soon as test day comes, you cease to exist as a person, and you rematerialize as this number.

#5814 will be the barometer of my medical school success for the next two years. That being said... med school exams are not nearly as bad as advertised (yet). I show up to school at noon today to take the bitch down, run into the token hyperventilating classmates (God rest your souls) and head on down to the lab. Contrary to popular belief, identifying 50 different structures on 25 different cadavers ain't so bad. Granted it sucks, and your brain works hard, but in the grand scheme of intellectual effort I think there's 6 levels of effort: (1) Can do it while watching Rock of Love. (2) Can do it while watching MythBusters. (3) Can do it sans television with music. (4) Can do it. (5) Kinda difficult. (6) F*cking impossible.

For the exam, I grade (out of 150 questions) 20 as a (1) 10 as a (2) 45 as a (3) 70 as a (4) 5 as a (5) and 0 as a (6).

End score: Reasonable. Big bad medical school exams are big, not really bad. But totally doable. End verdict comes Wednesday (and Monday).

Maybe my good feelings of the day come down to my playlist from the morning. I woke up, listened to some Eye of the Tiger, and went of my way. I should really attest my entire medical school career so far to 80's rock bands.

On a totally unrelated note, Portland has begun to be invaded by Vespas. The annoying whine of what used to be a uniquely European phenomenon now has penetrated (ha, penetrate) the culture of the dear state of Oregon. And it really doesn't work for our poor town, the damn things just seem so out of place. It's like Seattle, WA and Florence, Italy got together for a hot and steamy night after a crazzzzzy time at some bar (what bar Seattle and Florence would both hang out at, I have no idea) and Portland, OR was the "accident" that popped up 6 weeks later. I just hope Florence took the news well. Yes, I am making Seattle the woman in this analogy. Or perhaps a better analogy would be when two attractive celebrities get together and make a baby and you go "damn, that's gonna be one good looking baby" and the end product ends up looking something like this. Thank you, Portland.

Another random musing... one of the doctors who leads our PCM (Principles of Clinical Medicine) looks and acts exactly like JD from Scrubs, give or take 20 years. I find it truly hilarious, though I think my group thinks I'm a little weird for laughing a lot more than I'm supposed to. But what else am I supposed to do when all I can think about is a correlary Dr. Cox rant going through my head all throughout small group.